What’s Wrong With My Hair?

Let me say this: You haven’t been judged until you’ve been judged by a room full of 8th grade girls in Catholic school uniforms.

The 8th grade boys were asked to stay after morning prayer and pledge to help set up chairs for an elementary program. That left me alone with 8th grade girls.

Me: Where are the boys?

Girl 1: They’re helping set up for the elementary assembly.

Me: Oh. Well, go ahead and get out your homework so we can check.

Girls: Awe, man!

Girl 2: Can we just talk quietly until the boys come in?

Me: Excuse me?

Girl 1: Yeah! If we do work now, you’ll have just to repeat yourself when the boys come in, and you know you hate repeating yourself.

Me: (That’s true.) We’re not just chit-chatting. Get out your vocabulary workbook, and you can work in chapter 8 until the boys get here.

Girls: Awe, man!

Me: Excuse me?

Girl 1 (the ring leader): Ms. McCraw, those empire shoes you had on the other day were nice! When you putting those back in rotation?

Me: Empire shoes?

Girl 1: Yeah, the black ones with the brown strap and spikes.

Me: Oh, that’s what you call them? Empire shoes?

Girls: (laughter)

Girl 2: When are you getting lasik?

Me: Excuse me?

Girl 2: I thought you were getting lasik over the Christmas break.

Me: Why did you think that?

Girl 2: Cause while we were taking our midterms, you were looking through a lasik brochure. So I thought that was what you were spending your Christmas bonus on.

Girl 3: Ms. McCraw, I didn’t like that orange dress you wore last year. You looked like you were ready for Halloween, and it was no where near October.

Me: Excuse me? You can remember a dress I wore when you were in the 7th grade, but you can’t remember your prepositions?

Girls: (laughter)

Girl 3: I know my prepositions, Ms. McCraw! (She begins to sing the preposition song.)

Girls: (laughter)

Me: Cool! Now, let’s test!

Girls: (No one’s laughing now.)

Girl 4: So, when are you getting lasik? At least wear your contacts more often, if not every day, cause those glasses. (Shaking  her head in disapproval.)

Girls: (laughter)

Me: Excuse me? I’ve worn glasses since I was in the 4th grade, and if I plan on seeing, I’d better have them on.

Girl 4: Yeah, but THOSE glasses?

Girls: (laughter)

Me: (Why am I entertaining this?) Vocabulary workbook, unit 8, now!

Girls: Awe, man! (Reluctantly opening their workbooks.)

Girl 3: You don’t need  lasik. We love THOSE glasses!

Girls: Yeah! (laughter)

Girl 1: Yeah, Ms. McCraw, just wear your contacts.

Girl 5: Yeah, but you still have to wear reading glasses, and you’re always loosing them. You be like, “Where my glasses?” and they be on top of your head. There’s a pair on the bookshelf now that’s been there all year.

Girls: (laughter)

Me: (Looking at the bookshelf. Oh, that’s where those are! I’ve been looking for those all year. Laughing on the inside.) WORKBOOKS! CHAPTER 8!

Girl 6: (laughing) My mama be doing that, too! She be in a panic trying to find her glasses, and they be on top of her head.

Me: (Where’d she come from? She never talks. I think that’s the first thing she said to me in 3 years. Laughing on the inside.)

Girl 5: Remember that time you left your glasses in the teachers’ restroom. You were like, “Hold on, I’ll be right back. Gotta get my glasses out the restroom.” When you left, we were cracking up. I was like, “I don’t know what she was sitting there reading, but I hope it wasn’t my book report.”

Girls: (laughter)

Girl 2: Forget the glasses. What’s going on with your hair?

Girls: Yeah!

Me: Excuse me?

Just then, the boys came through the door. I hadn’t been that happy to see 8th grade boys since I was in the 8th grade myself.

Boy 1: What’s so funny?

Me: Get out your homework right now and exchange papers. We! Are! Checking!

Girls: Aw, man!

Girl 1: The boys always messing up our fun!

Me: (Fun? Who’s having fun? Not me.) Remember that! Whenever you’re having fun with your friends, there’s always some boy lurking around ready to throw a monkey wrench into your fun and mess things up for you.

Girls: (laughter)

Girl 1: Wait! Was that symbolism? I think you just went to another place, Ms. McCraw.

Girls: (laughter)

Me: (Ignoring the question. It might have been symbolism, I’m off my game right now. All I know is that I’ve made a lesson plan, and this isn’t on it.) We’re 15 minutes behind schedule. That means I’ll see you for 15 minutes of your lunch time.

Girl 3: It’s only been about 5 minutes, Ms. McCraw. Seven at the most!

Boys: (looking around, lost)

Girl 3: (laughing) Ms. McCraw, you know goodness well you’re not missing your lunch time. That’s when you and Mrs. X take ya’ll selfies.

Girls: (laughter)

Girl 1: Just give us some extra sentences to diagram for homework and call it even.

Girl 2: I wish the boys would come late to class everyday. We were having fun!

Boys: (looking around, lost)

Student 2: This is my favorite class! It’s so stress-free!

Girl 6: (laughing) It’s alright.

Me: (Wait! That’s the second time in 3 years that she’s said something. Two times in one day. Sister girl is on a role. I’m not sure, but I think she just threw some shade. Laughing on the inside.)

Boys: (looking around, lost)

Me: You have three seconds to get that paper to your neighbor. Number one!

Them: (laughing, passing homework to neighbor)

Note to self: Make this class stressful!

Side note: They got me self-conscious about my hair. What’s wrong with my hair? LOL

 

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